Page 44 - Volume 15 Number 12

42 • TWIN & TURBINE DECEMBER 2011From the Flight Deck by Kevin R. Dingman‘Twas the Y Nightou may have noticed that I use a few contractions in my writing. I’d probably use afew more of’em if I didn’t have an editor to save me from myself. In aviation, we try to conserve space and use contractions disguised as acronyms everywhere: AMEL, CA, FO, FA, ATIS, NOTAM, FAA, RVSM, METAR, and EIEIO.......ok, only Mr. McDonald uses the last one. Jerry Seinfeld might say: What ever happened to some of those really old contractions? ‘Twas, for example? As in ‘Twas the Night before Christmas. Did its patent expire or did we decide using “it was” is plenty efficient? Even the spell checker doesn’t like the word. I think ‘Twas – rolls off the tongue quite properly; not like FAA. And it’s easier to say than both supercali- fragilisticexpialidocious and pneu- monoultramicroscopicsilicovol- canokoniosis. The spell checker recognizes these two words; one made up and one real, but not ‘Twas – who’d a thunk.Well, ‘Twas the night before Christmas and this junior-in- seniority pilot was flying along in his shiny MD80 as usual – neither Mr. Seinfeld nor Mary Poppins was onboard (and the air is filtered to prevent that pneumonoultra...word). And I have not the eight reindeer either. I used to have a co-pilot and four reindeer in the cabin but in a cost saving effort I’m down to the co-pilot and only three reindeer. And, as usual, it was evening; after dark, well after dark. By the time midnight rolls around aboard the last departure from Chicago to L.A. there is indeed not a creature stirring, not even a mouse. We do find them onthe plane every now and then, by the way; mice that is, not creatures. Well, perhaps a few grumpy, humbug type creatures.Traveling by commercial air on a holiday can be, shall we say..... colorful. Like the morning scene from the classic Christmas movie Home Alone when mom realizes they have overslept. It’s easy to get behind schedule when on the road; and, while you may be accustomed to the laptop, remove your shoes and belt, as well as the full body scanner events when traveling on the airlines, getting wrapped Christmas presents past TSA can be a daunting task for even the seasoned road warrior. Neatly wrapped packages must be scanned and sometimes unwrapped. Don’t show up late to the airport on a holiday.We are empatheticAs a crew member, we often forget about the entire hotel check-out, rental car, parking lot, tram to the terminal, ticket counter and TSA ordeals the traveling public must endure. This painful procedure is why some of our passengers board the plane acting like one of those humbug creatures instead of a mouse. Actually, we don’t forget the ordeals, and we are empathetic, we simply try to ignore them because they’re beyond our control and we’re afraid you’ll finally say “This is just not worth it anymore” anduse your own cabin class single or twin instead!Once you’ve made it through security and into the terminal, some of the more enjoyable aspects of Christmas travel may begin. The airport terminals are nicely decorated with Christmas ornaments, lights and displays. One terminal in Chicago has a very nice “Twelve Days of Christmas” display of Christmas trees; each tree is decorated to represent one of the twelve days of Christmas. The main halls are festooned with giant ornaments and lights while Christmas music fills the air – strangers treat each other like family. Most large airline terminals also have a Chapel in which multi- denominational services are held a few times throughout the day.Our fellow aviatorWith a blizzard at the field you really expect to have an on-time departure? It is winter you know; a lot of airports will have deicing plans in effect so a pre-departure squirt of de-icing and anti-icing fluid should be expected before take off. As you board the plane, you may also notice some modifications to the standard crew uniforms and PA’s. The most common uniform change will be Christmas neck ties, scarves and caps; perhaps some lighted jewelry. Captains and flight attendants will make special welcome aboard and